I have a Family Science degree (marriage and family therapy, mental health discipline similar to counseling) and a Computer Science degree. I've combined the two degrees to help entrepreneurs with the technical hurdles and the mental roadblocks (focus, performance, health, fitness and energy management).

7:27:00 PM 0
I had seen this lady at the gym before. She was also working with a trainer at the same time I was working with my trainer so we finished our sessions at the same time. 

"Look at her body." she said to her trainer about me. 

 Her trainer said, "It's all diet."

 Her eyes were glossed over. 

 We walked out a few minutes later and she continued. "How long did it take to get that body?"

 Stupid me didn't really think about what she really wanted and just told her I'd been lifting for 15 years. 

 "Do you have any babies?" she asked me. 

 "No."

 "Then you get to keep your body." she looked down and walked to her car. 

Right after I left, I replayed the scene in my head and realized I messed up because I didn't think about what she wanted. 

 I could see she wanted to improve her body and instead of asking me what she could do, she tried to figure out what was different between us. 

 But don't we all do that? Haven't we all told ourselves we don't have something or can't do something and gave some kind of reason or story to back it up. 

 I know I've been guilty of it. It feels easier sometimes but it keeps me from my dreams. 

She had kids. I didn't. That was a fact, but that's not keeping her from getting the body she wants. 

 She was looking for a reason she didn't have my body. 

 She needed an excuse. She wanted to give up before she got let down.

 But why does this upset me? Because she's not far off. She could totally have it - if she believed and asked. 

 And if she wants it, I want it for her! 

See, in a lot of cases, we give up too easily because we've gotten our hopes up and we've been let down. 

 It's just easier not to believe. If we can find a reason we can't do something, we can justify it to ourselves and then we'll feel okay about it.

 But will we? 

 Will we really feel okay we gave up so easily? That we didn't go after our dream when it was so close?

If you want a free pass for why you can't do something or have something, fine. Don't go after it. 

 But don't tell yourself you can't do something because... [fill in with some fact here]

 And definitely, don't tell me you can't do something. Tell me it's not what you want. Tell me it's not a priority. Tell me you have higher priorities you are working on. But don't tell me your reason. Don't tell me you can't. 

 I believe in you. I believe if you wanted something, you would find a way and find the resources you needed. 

 It's tough. Yes. 

 Your life, your dreams, your vitality is worth it. If you let these things go, your hope dies at some point. 

 I believe there is a way. Many people have done whatever you are trying to do in worse circumstances and with fewer resources. 

 Want it.

 Believe in it.

 Don't let go.



Much love, energy and happiness,




















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6:04:00 PM 0

I was driving to work and thinking about how busy I was and behind I was.

I thought 'Today will be miserable.'

I stopped myself.

No! I'm going to decide that it won't be miserable.

It's going to be great. 

I started asking myself, "How can I make it better?"

Our thoughts guide our mind, body and emotions.

If we change our thoughts we could change our mind and emotions.


In improv class we played a game called 'New Choice.' I was making a new choice to find the good in the day. 

1. It was a matter of thinking I wasn't that busy. 

2. I started thinking of what I really had to get done and not about trying to do everything. 

3. I started thinking of ways to make my work a bit easier and found a great way. 

4. I decided to stop putting so much pressure on myself. 

These are the four thoughts that changed my entire day. 

I almost LOST another day of my life to frustration. 

Close one!




Much love, energy and happiness,











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5:52:00 PM 0

"I'm sabotaging myself. 

I am! 

I like feeling bad so I keep eating these foods that are making me feel sick. I really feel miserable."


When I heard her say this, it was true, but not in the way  she thinks she is.

She shouldn't be going on the diet or reboot she's 'trying' to make herself go on. 

She's 'trying' to eat healthy foods but it's not working. She keeps eating pizza. (I put 'trying' in quotes for obvious reasons.)

Why would someone sabotage themselves? Why wouldn't they want to do something that was good for them?

There could be many reasons, but here are a few.

They are bored. They have chosen a path they think is boring. If someone decides they need to lose weight, they might think 'DIET.'


If someone thinks about going on a diet, they think they will be eating boring foods and not be able to go out. They think of all of the negative, restrictive things about losing weight.

What they should do: They should look for ways they can lose weight and not be bored. They should find a couple of things that will move them forward and help them make progress.

What would you WANT to do? What could you do to make progress?

They are making it harder than it has to be. They imagine they have to go on this perfect diet or do some kind of reboot, but they DON'T. They only have to make progress.


If you make this hard on yourself YOU WILL NOT DO IT! Make it easy. Life is already hard, don't add to it.

BOOM!





Much love, energy and happiness,









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5:23:00 PM 0

Whatever you are trying to achieve, there are points where you just feel "stuck." 

You might be trying to lose weight, start your business, find a relationship or even find ways to make your life more balanced.

But we get in this "stuck" mode and we can't seem to move forward.

Sometimes we stay stuck for years.

How much time are we wasting with the same problem, year after year?

Being stuck is really a mental thing.

We aren't really stuck. (You can move, right?)

Usually we just need to know what to do.

"We've tried everything," but nothing seems to work so we become stuck and discouraged.

1. Make a decision (a real decision) that you are DONE with this problem. 

Decide that you will solve it.

2. Make a list of all your options and resources you can use to solve this.

Write down things you've tried and haven't tried.

Yes, write down things you don't want to try because you can "do it yourself."

3. Research.

Research by asking for help from experts or other people who have overcome.

You aren't asking for opinions, you are asking for step-by-step plans.

So, if you DO really want this, tell yourself you are done with being stuck. Tell yourself you'll repeat the steps, make the decision, write out resources, and research the steps. 

The path is out there. You just haven't found it or decided to take it yet.




Much love, energy and happiness,









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5:55:00 PM 0
If someone told ME that I couldn't ....

 I have been an emotional 'mess' the last couple of days. Recently, I have been really trying to focus on what makes me happy and what sets me off into anger, frustration, anxiety and general unhappiness. 

 I've been working to replace all of my negative feelings by figuring out what 'causes' them and working to change that.

 I want to be happier. 

 I not saying I'm 'unhappy' but I could definitely be a lot happier. 

 I know we choose our emotions, but it's difficult to digest that. 

 It does sometimes feel like emotions 'happen' to us.



-Someone cuts us off on our way home from work
-We fight with our partner over the same stupid issues
-The ice machine on the freezer spews out ice EVERY time all over the floor

Getting annoyed is an easy choice. Taking responsibility for our emotions is not an easy choice,

Wouldn't it be better NOT to feel annoyed? 

 Life will continue to interfere in your well-thought out plans. You could fix some of them, but there will always be something that could annoy you (me).

 I've realized there are (usually stupid) little things that just frustrate me and then there are my thoughts that come into play. I'm starting to step away from the stupid little things. I'm realizing what kinds of things 'set me off' and stepping back.

 It's the thoughts that seem to be hard to get away from.

 Here is something I hear myself say that keep me from being happier or more positive....
I can't.... OMG. If someone told ME that I couldn't do something, I would show them! But then I say it, and that makes it ok? NO! I'm taking away that right from myself. I'm not going to tell myself I can't. Yes, there are things I can't do, but I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about these reasons or excuses for not doing something I want to do. If I hear myself say 'I can't' I'm going to replace it with, 'How could I do..?' until it becomes a habit. I don't want to live thinking about what I can't do. 

 There are a few things I don't want to ever say again: 

     1. I can't... 

    2. I don't know how...

    3. I'm trying... 

     4. I should...

 Instead, I will focus on...

     1. What CAN I do?

     2. How CAN I figure it out?

     3. How can I make it easier or more enjoyable so it FEELS easier?

     4. I will. 
If I'm not doing it, it's not a priority. My emotions are my priority. I want to be happy and I'm tired of wasting my life being unhappy. 

 Who's with me? 
XO,


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3:40:00 PM 0

What's more important than your time?

Is there anything?

 If you think about your time, where does it go?

Is it that you don't have enough time?

Or that you don't know how to manage it?

I believe we have lots of time, but we waste so much of it.


 How much time have you wasted with the thought, 'I just can't wait for this day to be over.'?

 Why? Because we are waiting for a time when we can feel better or feel better about the situation.

 Wait.

 You want to feel better? But you are WAITING to feel better? Yes. I am guilty too. We are using our time waiting until we feel better.

 Funny thing is, we are in control of our own feelings.

 We are told that we are but it doesn't really feel like we are.

How can we get control of our feelings and feel better now?

Here are a few things we can do to feel better.

1.To be happy, slow down.

I know. You can't. I'm busy too, but isn't your time and essentially, your life, important enough to do something to make yourself happy?

But shut off the technology and take a few minutes to take some deep breaths. I think our parents were told to count to 10. 

You can do some meditation or just imagine everything in slow motion. When I'm driving to work, I love to shut off the music and just look at the hills and trees around me and imagine everything in slow motion. It really is very peaceful. 

2. To be happy, focus on who or what you are grateful for. 


Basically, think happy thoughts. If I just annoyed you, I don't blame you. The last thing you want is to someone to tell you to smile when you are upset. 

BUT, YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY, RIGHT? 

Let's do this. At least try it for a week. First thing in the morning, write down things you are grateful for. Spend a few minutes really focusing on who loves you, or who believes in you. Think about what advantages you have, or resources you have to be able to get closer to your goals. Write down whatever comes to your mind. The more time you spend doing this, the more your mind will start to focus on good, happy things. It's just like working out. 

3. Listen to happy music or comedy.  


I have Pandora and I set up two stations to help pull me up. One is a stand up comedy station and the other is literally called Happy Radio. 

Sometimes you feel like you have the right to be mad, upset, frustrated.... I get it. But you also have the right to be happy. Give yourself that right. 

You knew that already though. ;-)
Much love, energy and happiness,









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11:58:00 PM 0
Q&A Day 

Today I have a question from a woman who want to know how to deal with her stress eating. 

She writes:

Hi Nichole, I used to eat so healthy and then over the past 3 years, I started eating unhealthy. It was a very stressful time. 

Now my cells only want the junk. 

I do work out at least 3 days a week. 

But how do I transform my cells to only want healthy food again? Any advice would be appreciated. 

Thank you.




[My answer]

Thank you for messaging me. It sounds like you are really ready for a change. 

This is such a huge question that I believe we all struggle with.

From what you've explained, your eating has a lot to do with your stress. 

It's natural for us to use food as a remedy when we don't feel good, because that's actually what it's for! If you are tired, the nutrients give you energy. 

If you are stressed, it gives you a sense of comfort because you KNOW it will bring you pleasure if you eat your favorite foods.

This is where it gets a bit tricky and takes a bit of time. 

Your feelings will tell you everything your body needs, but no one ever teaches us this! 

People call it emotional eating, but it's closer to emotionless eating.  

We stop listening to our emotions because we are busy and so we think our cells need junk, but this isn't true.

If you keep track of the emotions you are going through, your emotions will tell you what your body needs. 

Then start matching those needs up with healthy foods (because it probably needs the energy or nutrients) OR habits. People overlook so many great things we can do to respond to our bodies needs because we are busy trying to be overachievers (I am guilty of this too). This includes things like taking time off, meditation, having fun, going for a walk in the woods… 

The more you listen to your emotions and start providing what it needs, the less you'll be going for the unhealthy foods.

(This is where coaching can be really helpful. This takes time and patience to understand matching your emotions because everyone has a different situation.)

Other quick tips:


  1. Decide to be done. Once you decide you are DONE with this problem and you are ready to do anything to move on in your life, your whole body will align with that.
  2. Switch things out. There are so many great healthy foods and recipes that it's easy to switch out similar foods for the ones you want to stop eating.
  3. Forgive your mistakes. If you've really decided you are sick of this problem and you are done, and you slip up at some point, just move on. Don't find a reason to get upset about it.



All that being said, this is your life and it's so important you are happy and healthy. Do whatever you need to do to make that happen. I am here for you and to answer any questions you have.

-------------

What questions do you have? Feel free to message me or respond in the comments.


Much love,



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