How To Deal With Loneliness During the Holidays

How are you dealing with the holidays? I know for me the holidays have been really hard for a long time about since the time my mom passed away 12 years ago.

Click the image for the video.

Click here to subscribe to my YouTube.

Typically, I book a ticket out in the U.S and go travel.
Because I don’t want to be around for Thanksgiving, for Christmas. 

My dad and my brother they are both married and have their own lives. 
I feel forgotten. I feel like my dad left and he chose a different life. 

He sometimes, most of the time forgets to call me on Thanksgiving, Christmas. 
And then shortly after my birthday. It hurts. 
I know he loves me and I know he cares about me but it still hurts. 

It’s been a real struggle for me to accept that, that’s how it is now. 
I had a healthy childhood. I had my parents and my brother.
We are all very close. 

I grew up as an army brat so when we traveled, we moved, all we had was each other. 

With my mom gone, my dad and my brother are busy.
Most of the year I can handle it, but the holidays not so much. 

It’s been starting to get better. I have decided that, I know that they love me. 
And I’ll focus on that because that won’t get you so far right? 

But I’ll focus on that fact today that if they’re not calling, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care. That they don’t love me. They do care. They do love me. They’re just not callers. 

I’ve taken responsibility. I’ve started to tell them what I need.
And I said “hey, look I really need you to call, I don’t care if I don’t answer, you calling and me seeing that I’ve missed a call from you, that sends me a message that you love me".

It’s very directive. Look, just an attempt, just to see that you’ve thought about me that means everything. It maybe takes more for you but communicating and telling people what you need, of love, is part of growing up. 

We are not taught this things. We are not taught to tell people that we’re hurting. 

We’re taught to toughen up. “Oh I’m fine, I’m okay. I just have cold” but really, you’re crying. 

It’s okay to say, “hey, you know what I’m not okay! I’m not complaining but will you do this? 

This is what it means to me. How can we agree on something? How can we agree on communicating? How can we make this work for both of us?"

Just be open and honest. Sometimes it does a lot. 
This last Thanksgiving, I didn’t think about it. I didn’t call. 
I didn’t get called by either one of them. 

The day passed, I was like “oh yeah that did not happen again” 
It hurt. I just went to bed. 

I talked to my dad, a little bit later, a week and half later. 
I’ve mentioned it nicely. He said, “yeah, I’ve been depressed. I’ve been struggling”.

Then I realized, it’s hard for me but I don’t know that it’s been harder for them than I think. 

I should know that! But I’ve never think about that. 
I just thought, this hurts but I’m just going to know what I know. 
I know that they love me and just check through it. 

They are really hurting too. 
It wasn’t easy for them. 
It just gave me a new perspective.

Maybe these things will help you. 
Knowing that they do love you. 
That they’re not sending you a message, that they don’t love you. 

Knowing that the right communication at the right time would help. 
Knowing that they’re hurting too or they don’t know what to do. 
I hope that helps. Maybe you can make this year better.

Find Nichole Carlson:

Facebook http://bit.ly/nicholefb

Twitter http://bit.ly/nicholetwt

YouTube: http://bit.ly/nicholeytb

Instagram: http://bit.ly/nicholeig